Do I have better things to do than go on a rant about the Early Spring pattern release from Simplicity? Of course I do, but is that gonna stop me? Nope. Because I just looked through the entire collection and counted eight apron patterns. Yes. You read that correctly. Eight. Apron. Patterns. WTF?
There are two on page one (yes, 8858 says it’s a “family bath time accessories” pattern, but that is totally an apron on the cover, so it counts) and six on page three – three of which are in a row, so it isn’t like they couldn’t notice just how many apron patterns there were.
Aprons are great and all and I get having one or two apron patterns in every release, it annoys me when they are the only vintage patterns, but I still get it (grudgingly). Eight in one release though? I call shenanigans on this nonsense.
I can’t even comment on the rest of the patterns because I’m so fixated on all those damned aprons, I need to cool off before I even look at the rest properly, because this apron mess is making me way too heated. Though I will say that if I had been wowed by the rest of the collection, I might not have gotten so irrationally pissed off about The Apron Issue.
I’m all for boycotting this onslaught of apron patterns. I know no one else is going to be as annoyed by this as I am, but in my mind, this needs to stop. Eight apron patterns is taking things way too far. So, if you’re annoyed like I am but you need an apron pattern, I’d just like to say that it’s one of the easiest patterns to download for free online and there are hundreds of them. A quick search for “free apron patterns” will pull up countless sites and blog posts filled with more apron patterns than you could ever want or need. For example, this post alone has 300 free apron sewing patterns, go wild! Heck, I even posted a PDF of instructions from a vintage sewing book on how to draft your own 1950’s apron pattern last year. It’s free, have at it! But please don’t buy any of Simplicity’s apron patterns, it’ll only encourage them to pull more nonsense like this until one day we get royally trolled with a pattern release that is JUST APRONS. I know, I know, it’ll never happen. But it could, you guys, it could. Clearly they think this is what we want, or else they wouldn’t be giving us so. effing. many. of. them.
Simplicity, I love you, you’re my favourite of the Big Four, I love your retro and cosplay patterns and you’re the only one of the Big Four whose releases I still get excited about, but what on earth are you guys and gals thinking? What is with the apron fetish? Are you trolling us? What is this? You can do better than this.*
Now, I’m gonna go make some dinner, watch a movie, and get back to work on those Little Women dolls. And wonder what it says about me that I just went on a 500+ word rant about apron sewing patterns, for god’s sake.
*Funny how I say this as if someone from Simplicity will ever read this or would even care about my opinion.